Be a Lover Not a Fighter

Dear Honey Bunches,

Does hearing the words, "Be a lover, not a fighter" make you cringe?  No worries, my friend, I have been there!  During times of working endless hours, doing thankless work, earning so little pay, and running on not enough sleep I become very familiar with a tone of cynicism.  My unhappiness informed my mood and my mindset in the most destructive of ways.

I started to believe that things were bad and would always be bad.  I started to lose by ability to have trust in people.  I started to think that I would be stuck forever in life situations and quality of life that would never change.  These thoughts were validated by the people around me at that time.  Fellow pessimists and I became bonded through our negative beliefs which we would call realistic and our judgmental ways which we would deem our right and often one true pleasure. 

I began studying about the Law of Attraction and positive psychology which taught me that I was creating my own experiences.  I learned that wherever I was focusing my attention, I was building an attraction device that created more of the same.  

Holy conundrums! What does that mean?!!

For me it meant learning that by being in complaint, I would have more to complain about.  That if I sought out what was wrong in a situation I would always find it.  I started to see how I had allowed, or even created a toxic energy to pervade my life.  It showed up in so many ways like:

  • Easily seeing the worst in people
  • Not trusting others easily
  • Being skeptical about all things in life
  • Failing to see the good that did exist
  • Overlooking positive opportunities for being focused on the negative
  • Missing out on feeling good and being good
  • Poor Self-Esteem, poor Self-Confidence
  • Doing work I hated in jobs I couldn't stand
  • Poverty, debt, poor credit

The list is doubt longer, believe me!  I put in some time running this toxic cycle and still experience some karmic ripple effects from time to time.  The important thing is that I chose not to stay stuck there. I found a way out of what felt like a mud pit and slowly turned things around.  The mind can be changed, but it takes a desire for new outcomes, openness to new ways of thinking, being and doing, along with persistence, Stick-to-it-ness is key when it comes to transforming your life.

So are you wondering where to start or what would be the next steps if you are already on this journey of transformation?  Stay with me because this might sound trite or cliche  to you but it begins with gratitude.


 So learning to be thankful at first was a chore let me tell you!  It's not easy to change the mind so that you see the grass on your own lawn as greener than that of others.  The journey, however, is key to helping one accomplish many growth milestones.  Gratitude helps:

  • Learn to identify the good in what you have
  • Be more confident in your own accomplishments
  • Be more accepting of your own inherent value
  • More easily explore your creativity
  • Better problem solving abilities
  • Learn to fall in love with yourself and with life

There are countless other benefits available to us all.  It begins with an important line of inquiry...

  • What is good here?
  • What is positive about this situation?
  • Where is the gift for me in these circumstances? This relationship?
  • What is working well?
  • What is bringing me joy?  How is it bringing me joy?
  • What positives do I bring to this situation?

When you find yourself feeling anxiety, frustration, difficulty, hopelessness, anger, and so on, then pause and start asking yourself any of the above or similar questions.  Ride the questions on a journey to destination gratitude. In answering the questions, take note of how you feel when you identify a positive and marinate in that feeling.

May your journey be full of love and free of sorrows!

Love, CocoKali